The Hollows in our Lives - Part 1 in the Uncle Cliff Series

My Uncle Cliff demonstrates the quality of Neoteny better than anyone I know. (Neoteny was the subject of an earlier blog; it is the trait of retaining youthful characteristics, of looking forward with anticipation rather than longing for the past.)

Uncle Cliff is 82 years old; he takes walks, rides bicycles, repairs bicycles, runs a food bank out of his garage and distributes food to people who need it. He goes to church on Sundays and a prayer service on Wednesdays and performs by singing (acappella or accompanied by a pianist) whenever churches and groups invite him to. Whenever he comes to my home, he actively reaches out to each person there, whether he knows them or not, and learns everything he can about them. And he remembers them, asking about them whenever he sees me in the future.

Last night, I had dinner with Uncle Cliff. We talked about the work I am doing with people who are between jobs and those who are making the transition from employee to consultant. We talked about Neoteny. We even talked about this blog (although he doesn’t have a computer and the concept of a blog is a bit of a reach for him!)

He told me, “I like the attitude you have. How do you embrace Neoteny?” I had to admit to him that I do not always avoid longing for the past.

For nearly a year after our youngest daughter left for college, I couldn’t get used to the empty house. After 30 years of having children, and their friends, filling the house, I had trouble adjusting to the empty nest. Many times, I found myself longing for days gone by. I can’t tell you how many times I said, only partly in jest, “When I was young and dreamed about the family I would have, I envisioned babies and children – not college kids!”

In talking with my uncle, I came to realize that it was my Thriving Between Jobs group that took my focus off my feelings of loss and onto those who were hurting and needed my help.

As I spoke, my uncle nodded his head with love and understanding. Then he smiled wisely and told me, “We all have our hollows in life. We just need to get past them.”

“Hollows.” What an interesting thought. Setbacks. Imperfections. Lapses. These are all but “hollows”. They don’t need to be permanent states and they don’t define us or our futures.

I love this concept! How often have I been shattered by something that, had I realized it at the time, was just a hollow, something to feel then get beyond?

With tears in his eyes, Uncle Cliff went on to tell me how much he misses his big sister and big brother, my father … how much he misses his parents. And he sometimes looks back fondly on the good times he had with them; he longs for those times. But then, he reminds himself that those times are in the past; they have served their purpose. And he has important things he still needs to accomplish; so, he can’t afford to spend much time on these hollows of his.

Before I close, I must share with you the secrets of Uncle Cliff’s Neoteny. Each and every day, he makes sure he consumes at least one teaspoon of cayenne pepper, a tablespoon "or so" of extra virgin olive oil, the juice of one full lemon, and four fruit. He eats very little meat. He strives to meet at least one new person each day. He also greets every person he encounters whom he has met before, although he gets frustrated that he doesn’t always remember everyone’s names.

He also prays quite a bit. We prayed together three times last night. And the consistent theme among all of Uncle Cliff’s prayers is his thankfulness to God – his Attitude of Gratitude.

As a result, he claims he has no pain. Now his wife, my Aunt Helen, says he does have pain – he just doesn’t complain about it. Uncle Cliff shrugs his shoulders, grins and responds, “I just don’t think about it. Thinking about pain doesn’t serve any purpose and it does make the pain worse!”

I love my Uncle Cliff!

Questions to Ponder: What are the “hollows” in your life? How much power do you give them in your daily life? How much happier would you be if you could get past them? What steps can you take today, right now, to get beyond them? Who needs you to get beyond your hollows and get focused on your future, helping them?