Small Actions have Large Consequences

“We need to prepare ourselves for the possibility that sometimes big changes follow from small events and that, sometimes, these changes can happen very quickly.” Malcolm Gladwell

The theme of our blog is “Changing the Face . . .” of anything we are a part of by being a leader with the courage to act on what needs to be done. In practicing this, myself, I keep looking for a big role to play in making a difference.

However, I hear from my pastor that it is the small things that we do, each day, that make a difference. Often it is simply the way that we do things that make the difference . . . like taking the time for a smile or a kind word, resisting the temptation to curse a fellow driver who has made a mistake, loving a friend who has been unkind or unreasonable rather than reacting in kind, being gentle with a colleague or subordinate who has made a mistake. The examples are myriad.

So, from a spiritual perspective, I need to focus on the small things. Okay, I get that.

Now, I read in my graduate studies that “small causes have big effects”, that revolutionary change often begins with a small start. My mathematical mind is intrigued with the concept of geometric progression in phenomena that spread like viruses – they keep doubling, a rate of growth that is massively larger with each iteration.

My mind is reeling with possibility:
• Uncle Cliff tells me to be careful what I say because it influences others in ways that I may never realize (see previous blog posts in the "Uncle Cliff series")
• My pastor tells me that I will make a difference in the small things that I do
• Experts in change theory advise me to prepare for small actions to have great consequence

For me, this is a powerful message. Each of us can make the world a better place … by being very clear about the kind of world we want for our children and ensuring that our actions can be the first step toward the revolutionary change we need!

Question to Ponder: As you progress through your normal day, examine your actions. Are you floating through your day, acting on habit or routine? Or, are you acting deliberately, ensuring that what you do has positive consequences that might be the first step to revolutionary change?

Living Life Backward

I recently heard a leadership style described as “Living Life Backward”. This is such an intriguing idea that I had to learn more about it!

Living Life Backward is the idea of focusing on a goal, on a vision of a desired future state, with such dedication that that future pulls you forward. That vision of the future dictates the next step we will take, as well as the ones after it.

I like this concept of living my life backward. It gives me much more confidence in the small steps I am taking today because I know that even though the action may seem small, insignificant or even unusual taken by itself, I know that, in the context of where I am going, it makes eminent sense!

In fact, living my life backward gives me a great sense of hope…and of conviction that what I am doing is right. It helps me prioritize the many tasks that I face each day and liberates me to move to the bottom of my to-do list those tasks that don’t bring me closer to my goal.

Question to Ponder: What would change if you saw yourself as living your life “backward”? Do you have a clear vision to which you are passionately committed?

To be Happy like Mom and Dad

Last week, I had lunch with a new friend who boasted about the 23 grand and great-grandchildren that he had. He is an active, vibrant man who runs a healthy small business and has had an impressive corporate career. I was surprised that he was old enough to have great grandchildren.

“Well, my kids all got married by the time they were 20”, he told me. “In fact, when the youngest one decided to get married at 19, I had to ask these kids why all five of them had been in such a rush to get married.”

Fascinated, I asked him what the reason was. “They wanted to be happy, like their mother and me,” he said simply.

Can you imagine any higher compliment as a parent? To have lived a life that demonstrated a love so strong, a happiness so genuine, that your children want the very same thing in their lives? To have made your children feel so loved that they want to continue that love in their own family as soon as possible?

I looked into the eyes of this jolly man and asked him how he had done it. So humble, he responded, “I married a woman who is a wonderful mother and an excellent companion.” After fifty years of marriage, he chose to see the good and the beauty in his wife. I suspect she felt the same about him and that that is how they both felt about their children. And, thus, love and happiness grew.

Ah, if Robert and I can live the kind of love, respect and appreciation that will make our children say, “I want to be as happy as you”. That will be a life well lived!

Question to Ponder: How do you demonstrate your love and happiness? How happy would the children in your life say they thought you were? How can you be a better example of love and happiness?

Be Careful What You Say - Part 2 in the Uncle Cliff Series

Snippets of my dinner with Uncle Cliff keep coming back to me. I imagine this is what it is like to spend time with a sage. What a great goal – to learn so much from whatever life sends your way that you reach a point in your life when younger adults consider you a sage, wise enough to make them think about your words days and weeks after you say them!

Anyway... I can’t even remember what we were talking about. But, Uncle Cliff looked me in the eye and he said, “We have to be very careful about what we say and what we do. People hear what we say and it affects them in ways that we don’t even know.”

This is so true! How many times have my children justified something they did or said based on something they heard from me? Something I may have said flippantly or in the heat of emotion, without really thinking? Or how often have I said a thing, only to realize that someone could have taken it differently than I intended and have been hurt by it? Yes, I thought, my uncle is very right. My words affect other people and I must be careful what I say.

But, then he went on. “We have to be careful of what we say even when no one can hear us.” Now, that was something! “I remember”, he continued, “I used to let myself get frustrated when I was alone and I’d say things that were not nice. I even let a cuss word or two fly out!” He grinned sheepishly at me. Both of us knew I couldn’t remember a time that he’d ever said a foul word.

“And then I realized how damaging those thoughts and those words were to me. They made me ugly in ways I didn’t even imagine.” And that was all he had to say on the subject. But, wow – did they make an impression on me!

He is absolutely right. No one can hear that negative talk in my head or the words I mutter when I am alone. But they do bring me down. They have the power to change my positive attitude. And, when that happens, they change the way I treat other people. I believe they also play a part in helping advance toward my goals – or slowing my advance.

Question to Ponder: What thoughts or words that no one else can hear are holding you back? How can you control your negative thoughts and words?

Why Be Engaging? Or Engage?

Engage, engagement, engaging - these words can mean different things given the experiences we have in life. In my consulting experience, engagement is absolutely critical for teams and organizations to keep people involved and part of a business process. To be engaged in the personal sense means to have a plan agreed to and committed with another person. Two people get engaged to be married, or two people are engaged in a process of discovery when they are dating, or engaged in a 2-person kayaking experience. On the behavioral side, to be engaging means to have the attention of others in such a way that they are interested in and value what you are sharing.

All too often however, particularly in business, we skip this engagement step and do things somewhat unilaterally. But, as we all have experienced, going-it-alone is often a painful process, filled with suffering and loneliness at times. Imagine a business owner making decisions without engaging their customers. Or, a CEO making critical decisions without engaging with the executive leadership team for their input and buy-in to the process. This is where we see pain and suffering in the lives of employees. I recently read (again) that the number of dissatisfied employees is at an all-time high. Employees feel outside of the weave of their organizations, just doing a job without feeling part of something. They haven't been engaged or even considered for the part they play in the organization.

How do we become engaging? Is it a series of delivery conversations where you just want to tell people what's going on? Yes and no. The delivery part helps people understand the basis of why you are engaging them, but the engagement comes from the request for input. Think about times when you were just given information and not offered an invitation to respond in any way whether it be through the "suggestion box" or an open discussion with your manager or supervisor. It feels a bit empty to people, especially when they are part of an organization.

However, being an engaged participant takes something on our part as well. It requires one to not only accept the invitation to be engaged, but also to be generous with feedback and accountable to the final result. This engagement calls us all to the next level of leadership and professional development. By accepting this responsibility and being engaged, we answer the call to become part of a bigger picture in a positive way. Let's not lose sight of the significance of this type of opportunity.

As I move ahead in 2010, I see parts of my life that need more engagement. For example, I often feel I need to engage more with my teenager to keep her part of the family process. Now, her feeling a need to be engaged with me is a whole other topic indeed. But that doesn't mean that I shouldn't reach out and include her in my part of the process. For business, I know that networking and engaging other potential customers is critical to providing the right product at the right time.

Engagement is an invitation, being engaging is being open to feedback and input, to engage is to actively seek the input and commitment of others. When we become engaged we need to be generous and accountable to the invitation and ultimately the final plan or result. Let's all look more at engaging in 2010 and be part of a picture larger than ourselves.

Questions to Ponder: Where have you been lacking engagement in your business or personal life? What has the cost been to you in any pain or suffering? Where do you need some input and buy-in in your life and how could you develop an Engagement Plan?

The Hollows in our Lives - Part 1 in the Uncle Cliff Series

My Uncle Cliff demonstrates the quality of Neoteny better than anyone I know. (Neoteny was the subject of an earlier blog; it is the trait of retaining youthful characteristics, of looking forward with anticipation rather than longing for the past.)

Uncle Cliff is 82 years old; he takes walks, rides bicycles, repairs bicycles, runs a food bank out of his garage and distributes food to people who need it. He goes to church on Sundays and a prayer service on Wednesdays and performs by singing (acappella or accompanied by a pianist) whenever churches and groups invite him to. Whenever he comes to my home, he actively reaches out to each person there, whether he knows them or not, and learns everything he can about them. And he remembers them, asking about them whenever he sees me in the future.

Last night, I had dinner with Uncle Cliff. We talked about the work I am doing with people who are between jobs and those who are making the transition from employee to consultant. We talked about Neoteny. We even talked about this blog (although he doesn’t have a computer and the concept of a blog is a bit of a reach for him!)

He told me, “I like the attitude you have. How do you embrace Neoteny?” I had to admit to him that I do not always avoid longing for the past.

For nearly a year after our youngest daughter left for college, I couldn’t get used to the empty house. After 30 years of having children, and their friends, filling the house, I had trouble adjusting to the empty nest. Many times, I found myself longing for days gone by. I can’t tell you how many times I said, only partly in jest, “When I was young and dreamed about the family I would have, I envisioned babies and children – not college kids!”

In talking with my uncle, I came to realize that it was my Thriving Between Jobs group that took my focus off my feelings of loss and onto those who were hurting and needed my help.

As I spoke, my uncle nodded his head with love and understanding. Then he smiled wisely and told me, “We all have our hollows in life. We just need to get past them.”

“Hollows.” What an interesting thought. Setbacks. Imperfections. Lapses. These are all but “hollows”. They don’t need to be permanent states and they don’t define us or our futures.

I love this concept! How often have I been shattered by something that, had I realized it at the time, was just a hollow, something to feel then get beyond?

With tears in his eyes, Uncle Cliff went on to tell me how much he misses his big sister and big brother, my father … how much he misses his parents. And he sometimes looks back fondly on the good times he had with them; he longs for those times. But then, he reminds himself that those times are in the past; they have served their purpose. And he has important things he still needs to accomplish; so, he can’t afford to spend much time on these hollows of his.

Before I close, I must share with you the secrets of Uncle Cliff’s Neoteny. Each and every day, he makes sure he consumes at least one teaspoon of cayenne pepper, a tablespoon "or so" of extra virgin olive oil, the juice of one full lemon, and four fruit. He eats very little meat. He strives to meet at least one new person each day. He also greets every person he encounters whom he has met before, although he gets frustrated that he doesn’t always remember everyone’s names.

He also prays quite a bit. We prayed together three times last night. And the consistent theme among all of Uncle Cliff’s prayers is his thankfulness to God – his Attitude of Gratitude.

As a result, he claims he has no pain. Now his wife, my Aunt Helen, says he does have pain – he just doesn’t complain about it. Uncle Cliff shrugs his shoulders, grins and responds, “I just don’t think about it. Thinking about pain doesn’t serve any purpose and it does make the pain worse!”

I love my Uncle Cliff!

Questions to Ponder: What are the “hollows” in your life? How much power do you give them in your daily life? How much happier would you be if you could get past them? What steps can you take today, right now, to get beyond them? Who needs you to get beyond your hollows and get focused on your future, helping them?

“Neoteny Now!”

One of my favorite sayings is from Mary Anne Evans (a Victorian era English novelist who used the pseudonym George Eliot): "It is never too late to be the person you could have been".

So, when I came across the concept of Neoteny in my master’s studies, it is no surprise that I was very intrigued! Neoteny is a zoological term that describes animals that retain youthful qualities. It is now being applied to the study of leadership.

In this context, Neoteny is emerging as a key element of success. Applied to effective leadership, Neoteny is the retention of all those wonderful qualities that we associate with youth: curiosity, playfulness, eagerness, fearlessness, warmth, energy. It is "innocence in action", an attribute Walt Disney used to describe himself; the capacity for what he called “uncontaminated wonder”.

In practice, Neoteny means being willing to take risks, remaining hungry for new knowledge and experience, being eager to see what each new day will bring. As we get older, those who possess Neoteny will be able to look forward to the wonderful things to come in the future, rather than longing for things of the past . . . no matter how few years may lie ahead compared to what has passed.

Janet and I are writing this Blog to inspire leadership in every individual, no matter what role(s) we play in life right now. It seems to me that Neoteny is an attribute that each of us would be well advised to embrace and perfect. I believe that the quality of Neoteny will keep us happy as we progress in life . . . and will make us much more effective contributors -- leaders -- in the world around us.

So, as we begin a new year, my wish for you is that 2010 will be a year of continuous discovery for you, of being open to taking new risks and seeing what each day will bring for you!

Happy New Year!

Questions to Ponder: Do you find yourself looking forward to the future or longing for the past? If the latter, what can you do to change your outlook, to develop Neoteny? In what ways can you adopt a capacity for “uncontaminated wonder” in your daily life and abandon cynicism and negativity?