Thinking Outside the Box

Talk about taking action! Janet's call to action in our last post made me think of the story of a friend of mine.

We all know far too many people who have been out of work for far too long. Urban legends abound of job fairs with all too few employers with a handful of jobs being besieged by out of work candidates who have waited in line for hours to talk with an employer.

Clearly, we are going to need to think outside the box to differentiate ourselves . . . or to take advantage of opportunities that do come our way.

My friend's story demonstrates this very well. The dream opportunity came her way: a perfect match for her skillset and a rate that, amazingly, would actually meet what she was worth. The only snag was that it was a “GUD” – Geographically UnDesireable. This dream job is a 90-minute commute from her home; and that is without traffic!

Now, most people I know would not have looked any further. They establish the geography that they can work within and confine their search within those borders. Oh, they may stretch and try to negotiate a virtual office situation in which they work remotely from home; but, if that doesn’t fly, they don’t pursue the job.

Not this friend. She and her husband decided they would embark on an adventure during this strange time. She immediately began looking for a tent/trailer and a place to park it. If she gets this job, she will get to enjoy the novelty of living and working in a new area for awhile and, after 25 years of being together, she and her husband will renew the romance and excitement of living apart during the week and seeing each other on weekends.

Now, that is what I call thinking outside of the box … and learning to THRIVE during difficult times!

Question to ponder: How could you be thinking "outside the box" in your own situation? What resources do you have to help you create new approaches or solutions in your life?

Action or Inaction

As I was thinking about Rosemarie's post on deposits and withdrawals, I had a number of items going through my mind and tried to sift through them to uncover what was the one thing I wanted to write about. I thought of the things happening in our world, the things happening in my world, the things that aren't happening in our/my world, etc.. I wanted to post some thoughts for us to consider on where we, as collective humans, deposit and withdraw in the happenings in our world.

I decided to challenge our thoughts about action and inaction in relation to deposit and withdrawal. There are things that we are easily called to action to that we enjoy or are typically deadline-driven. For example, it could be very easy to be called to take a bike ride or browse Facebook. These are actions we might enjoy. As for deadline-driven, that's pretty simple - we are called to get up and work, or get up and look for work. We are called to register our kids for school, get kids to school, go to meetings, finish up coding activities to meet a milestone, manage a project schedule. These are actions we might not enjoy, but all consume our precious time and resources, they are typically in the withdrawal category.

But, then there are things we are called to that we choose not to act on or deposit into. For whatever reason, we may have a thought to join a group that is protesting or challenging something we feel strongly about. This will almost always mean we have to make a deposit to that particular cause. The causes are many these days. On the societal front, we may be called to serve the poor, help the homeless, visit the sick, protect the unprotected or marginalized. On the political front, we may be called to challenge political views regarding public healthcare, or education funding, or protection for children (abused, neglected, forgotten about). On the familial side, we may be called to help a sister or brother who is unemployed, help raise our grandchildren/nieces/nephews, support our aging parents as they battle a variety of illnesses. As I said, the causes are many.

The big question to look at is whether we fear action or we fear inaction? I love the saying "Think Globally, Act Locally". It gives me some purpose in pursuit of those things closest to home that I like to act on. Its easy to care for my family when they are sick, or to help a friend who is unemployed. But, to look at that bigger picture and consider who I need to be to really make a difference and change the face of some of these situations scares me to inaction. How many times have I invisibly thrown up my arms and said "nothing will change", yet I haven't really faced any possibilities of making that difference. That then makes me fear action.

And if I were to act at a bigger level with a bigger purpose, then I would have to take personal responsibility for a better outcome, or worse, for a failed attempt. Hence the fear of inaction - that truly nothing will get better for us or for the generations to come.

I was reminded this week of the "Serenity Prayer" God, Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference. It makes me think of where I need serenity, courage and wisdom in my actions and my inactions...

All of this has brought me back full circle to our current series of Blogs: We only have one life, am I living my dash with purpose? What courage do I need to face these big attempts? Do I have enough in place to step forward? Am I willing to Wow the world, Wow myself and truly make a difference and "change the face"?

I invite all readers of this blog to post a comment about those bigger things that you think should be looked at. I promise you it won't be a commitment that you will be forced to take action on - just start a collective dialogue with others to see where it might lead.

Questions to ponder: What are the areas you are in "inaction" about in your life that will truly make a difference - in your world, in your local world, in the bigger world? What presses on your heart that you think needs to have a "changed face"?

Making Deposits

Janet’s post about acknowledging our strengths and the strengths of those around us made me think about a training class I took when I was a new leader. The coursework made an analogy between leadership and managing a bank account that Steven Covey was to use years later: just as you cannot make a withdrawal from a bank account until you have made sufficient deposits into that account, you cannot expect subordinates to be receptive to your criticism (your “withdrawals”) until you have made sufficient “deposits” by recognizing what they are good at and the contribution they are making.

So often leaders, in the workforce or in a family, focus on the mistakes of others, believing that, in doing so, they are helping them to improve and become better. What may happen, instead, is that people become resentful of the person finding fault in them, sometimes arguing the point rather than seeking to improve.

When the leader takes the time to really get to know a person, realize how important their contribution is and come to know what their strengths are, then acknowledges those strengths and contributions, the leader builds a foundation of trust and credibility. When the time comes to examine areas of growth and improvement, the person is much more receptive to the input, believing that the leader understands his/her strengths and is truly striving to help him/her to improve and grow.

Questions to ponder: Are you making enough deposits into those around you? Or are you, with best intentions, jumping too quickly into “constructive” criticism?

Wow Yourself!

I found this quote regarding strengths: “Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.”

In considering how to WOW others, it is first important to WOW yourself. This takes time and insight that some people get to somewhat naturally, while others seem to struggle with. I believe its a matter of patience and quest. If you are on a quest to fix your weaknesses, your strengths will never be readily apparent. If, on the other hand, you are on a quest and open to finding your strengths - you will have true power as it says above.

Recently I have been going through a certification process to become a Strengths Coach. The method and model are part of a program from Gallup (yes the pollsters) who acquired the model and assessment from the late Dr. Donald Clifton. The premise is that when we apply knowledge and skill to our God-given talents, we are far more effective and powerful than when we try to fix our weaknesses.

In many ways, as human beings, we have a hard time not focusing on our weaknesses. How many times have you been offered compliments on an outstanding job and a simple criticism/room for improvement on the same job. What is the thing we go to bed laboring over in our minds? The criticism/room for improvement comment. While it's important to always be in a state of continual improvement as a human being, we should not work to become perfect at everything. If we focus on our strengths and look for others to help us address our weaknesses - we will be most effective in whatever role/job/position we are in.

When we look at "Changing the Face...", what if we looked at our strengths and applied those in our world? Rather than reacting to the potential insecurities that others have with their own weaknesses, let's acknowledge what they are good at. This may seem extremely obvious, but we don't tend to do this in our conversations. As a parent, we always strive to acknowledge what our children are good at. Then as adults, we might assume that others "have this all figured out" and don't necessarily need to be acknowledged for their strengths. Not so - we all LOVE to know when we've done a good job, it allows for the pride and job of knowing you made a difference to shine through your being.

Why not start today by acknowledging your own strengths and acknowledging the strengths in those around you. You will shine and others will shine and we will all regain our power during this tumultuous times.

If you are interested in taking the Gallup assessment and identifying your Top 5 Themes of Strength, simply purchase one of the Gallup books StrengthsFinder 2.0, Living Your Strengths (Catholic Edition), or Strengths-Based Leadership. Each book has an individual code that is used for the online assessment that you take to uncover your areas of talent/strength. If you need any support, please let me know and I'm happy to help.

Questions to ponder: What do you love to do? Is there a particular strength that you have that you have compromised in search of a weakness to fix?

Who in your family/community can support you in developing your strengths and helping you shine? Who can you help shine today?

WOW Me!

As I was considering the questions Janet posed in our last post about having the courage to do what we need to do, I began to think about the many people who are between jobs right now and the courage it takes to face the difficult situations that are now part of our careers.

This era of economic collapse and gross unemployment is ripe with surprisingly inappropriate behavior.

It is commonplace for people who are between jobs to talk with hiring managers and recruiters alike, then never hear from them again … to place follow-up calls or email messages and receive no response. It could be argued that the sheer volume of people looking for work is so great that those in a position to hire don’t have the bandwidth to respond. I’d like to think that, when I was in that position, I would not have treated others this way; but, it is perhaps understandable.

Then, there are the amazing stories:

… a veteran, Ph.D professor looking for a position in the business world is greeted by a recruiter who leans back in the chair and begins the interview with, “So, WOW me!”

… a hiring manager about to negotiate salary with a highly accomplished prospective employee who looks at the candidate’s income history and says, “Well, I am about to get you for quite a deal!”

… an employment event targeted at “senior executives seeking new positions” is held at a movie theater where the organizers begin half an hour late, herding the executive attendees like cattle to stand in a cramped area until the organizers get their act together.

… a former CFO who was asked to tell the interviewer what part of the salad he was and why.

These types of stories, and more, create feelings of fear, anger, umbrage, hopelessness and powerlessness in the hearts of many talented and experienced professionals.

Friends and I have discussed this recurring phenomenon. One, a former psychologist, commented on the role of pride in these interactions – the pride of both the interviewers and the interviewees. Interviewers are seeking to inflate their own self images by grandstanding and condescending during interviews; interviewees react defensively and respond by either withdrawing from the interview (figuratively or actually) or by inflating their own accomplishments in order to demonstrate their self worth.

Another friend told me the story of an acquaintance who was preparing a talk for a group of peers. While focusing on how to share his vast knowledge with them, he was inspired by the thought that his talk didn’t need to show how good he was, it needed to focus on showing his audience how good they were!

It occurred to me that we could “change the face . . . “ of human interactions if we could somehow gain confidence from our life experience and accomplishments, put aside our own pride, and focus on how we can help others see how good they are!

During one of our “THRIVING Between Jobs” gatherings, we brainstormed how this might look in reality.

We began to realize that people who ask insulting interview questions really didn’t know how to interview in a way that got them the information they needed to make the most effective hiring decision…and that many of those interviewees who had to answer these insulting questions were highly experienced hiring managers who could help the interviewers in their hiring process by putting their pride aside and bringing the richness of their own experience to the interaction:

… when asked to “WOW me”, we might sit forward enthusiastically and respond: “I would love to! I suspect that, in order to WOW you, I will need to demonstrate to you that I meet or exceed every requirement you have for this position. So, let me begin by confirming with you what you are looking for, then I will tell you how well I satisfy each and every requirement you have!”

… when asked what part of the salad we were, we might smile and say, “You probably want to determine how creative I am and how well I will function as a team member. From that perspective, I would probably be a tomato, which is classified as both a fruit and a vegetable and, therefore, very versatile, functioning in either role depending on what was demanded in a specific situation.”

… when a salary offer is significantly below our past income and the hiring manager is clumsy enough to boast about it, we might inspire them by suggesting, “and it is my intention to prove my value to you and the rest of the organization so that, when the economy improves, you will be eager to reward me with a more appropriate salary”.

Similarly, those event organizers may have been a bit intimidated by hosting such an august group of senior executives. When it was clear that the organizers were in over their heads, attendees might have offered to lend their experience and give them a hand.

Armed with this kind of an attitude, can’t you just wait until you are asked to “WOW me”?!


Question to ponder:
Think of a time in the recent past that you have experienced and undignified “WOW me” situation. Did you respond defensively? How do you feel about the way you handled it? How would you change your response after reading this post?

Courage – courageous or frightening?

“Courage”, reminds me of the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz. We all need courage, but it’s the coward in each of us that fears what having courage might bring. Courage is not the absence of fear as many might think. In fact, we should be careful about praying for courage, since God typically gives us far more to be frightened of so that we can take action using the gift of courage in the face of that fear.

In a world of considering our future and questioning if we have enough, perhaps we don't sense that we need much courage, or at times we may feel we need way more courage than we think we have.

We probably don't think much about the courage needed to go apply for a job in a new field or to have that first interview after working for the same company for 10+ years. But an immense amount of courage is needed each time we craft an email stating our qualifications and prepare to hit the send button, or picking up the phone to try to reach someone in our network that we haven't spoken to in years. In these times of economic change, courage is needed far more than we think. Courage isn't a matter of experience like our job skills are, it's a present-state attitude and behavior. Like the Cowardly Lion, we aren't born with courage, we generate courage at the times we need it most.

Sometimes a simple conversation with someone you love – be it a parent, a child, a spouse, a dear friend – where you may not agree or might have an unresolved issue with, requires immense courage. I know times when I need to speak with my daughter about something that will put us in conflict I get quite anxious and nervous. I get a little sweaty in my palms just thinking about the possible outcomes. It's then that I need to generate courage, call forth courage and be "courageous" as a result.

Questions to ponder: Consider times in your life where you have needed courage – what was the fear behind it? Did your courage ultimately overcome the fear?

As we look at the fears in our lives, what amount of courage will it take to overcome? And are we willing to ask for and generate courage?

"Enough"

As I was reading Janet’s post, “Thinking about the Future”, I looked up on my wall and saw an adage a dear colleague gave me years ago. I liked it so well at the time that I put it on my office wall and have never taken it off!

It goes like this:

I WISH YOU “ENOUGH”:

Enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
Enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
Enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
Enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
Enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
Enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
Enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye."

What I like about this is that it forces me to think about two things: 1) the fact that all I need is “enough”, I don’t need plenty, and 2) that we need negatives to appreciate the positives in our lives.

On the first point, we Americans have been raised to always strive for more … more money, more things, more collectibles, more activities, more … always more. And I wonder what the “pursuit of more” has cost us. It occurs to me that our national “pursuit of more” may very well have something to do with the economic collapse we are suffering today . . .

On the second point, I hate to admit it, but the sad and difficult experiences in my life have caused me to appreciate – to notice, quite frankly – the happiness and comforts in my life.

When I was a young woman in my mid-twenties, my stepson was killed in a car accident. I adored this boy; his death caused pain and sadness on a level I had never before experienced. During the days that followed his death, I was surrounded by family and loved ones. One moment in particular has soothed me many times since then … there was a terrible rain storm as we drove to the funeral. It was one of the most difficult times of my life, yet, in the midst of my pain, I felt safe and warm in the car with people who loved me and were, at that moment, taking care of me. I had an incredible surge of love and gratitude for the family that had come to our aid. I have since come to realize that the pain of loss heightened my appreciation for the love of those who still lived.

Questions to ponder:
• In what areas of your life are you searching for “more” when you really have “enough”?
• What benefit or learning have you gained from painful or difficult experiences in your life?