Extraordinary Circumstances

In considering Rosemarie's post on being present, it made me think about the circumstances we are present to, whether they are ordinary or extraordinary.

What makes certain circumstances extraordinary? We encounter ordinary circumstances each and every day; yet, some circumstances just seem extraordinary. I was recently on a trip to New York where it was asked, as a matter of the court, to define "extraordinary" circumstances. It made me think about how extraordinary differs from ordinary.

Extraordinary occurs when a child takes a first step; extraordinary occurs when you receive a job offer after waiting many months; extraordinary occurs when a teenager and a parent begin to have a meaningful conversation for the first time in months. Then there are the ordinary circumstances. Sitting down in the morning to enjoy a cup of coffee and read through the paper - either online or the old fashioned paper version- seems ordinary. Getting in the car and having it start up each and every morning as you head to school or work or the gym or your church. Seems ordinary, but some days these could be extraordinary!

In leadership for example, extraordinary leaders are really ordinary people being willing to do extraordinary things. The Saints, from the Catholic Church, were ordinary people doing extraordinary work in the name of Jesus. In certain sports we see ordinary people doing extraordinary things. I don't know about you, but I only recently shot a 54 playing 9 holes and Tiger Woods shot a 48 playing 9 holes at age 3! That is extraordinary!

So in our ordinary world - consider what extraordinary things can you do yourself that set you apart from the rest. Let's try to make each circumstance we encounter extraordinary!

Questions to Ponder:
• Identify at least one extraordinary circumstance that occurred each day this week. What made it extraordinary? Who were the people involved?
• What steps can you take to make more of your ordinary circumstances extraordinary?

Present in the Moment

Earlier this week, I was in a meeting, telling them about our last blog about respect. A friend came in and complained that I was not answering my mobile phone; so, she tracked me down in the meeting! She was the second person that day who complained to me that I didn’t answer the phone when they called.

How did we get to the point that we expect people to stop whatever they are doing to take our call? That we believe that a phone call is more important than whatever we are doing at the moment?

In fairness to the person I am with or the task I have at hand, I want to be present in the moment. That means that I turn my phone off (or leave it in the car) and close my laptop so that I am not distracted by calls and email messages that are coming in. I try to listen carefully to what the person(s) I am with have to say and I try to give them what they need from me. When we are through, I check and return calls and messages.

And, if I absolutely must interrupt a conversation because I expect an important call or email (i.e., from a child or critical business associate), I let the person I am with know and apologize in advance. I am loathe to make the person I am with feel that anyone or anything is more important than they are at that moment. I want to show them respect.

Is this such a bad thing?

Question to ponder: What would happen if you let a few calls go into voicemail while you were with someone you cared about? Try it and see what happens to your level of peace and enjoyment in the moment!

Its a Matter of Respect

Like many others, we are appalled by the behavior of Kanye West at the MTV Video Awards last Sunday. Our children are fans of Taylor Swift and were so incredibly disappointed and upset by the utter lack of respect Kanye showed for someone assuming an award; it did not matter that he felt she did not deserve the award. It made us think of the power that artists feel they have in the world - and how they can abuse that power in a simple moment like that.

Two subsequent instances further underscore the lack of respect that our society has come to display: Serena Williams yelling at the referee at the U.S. Open and House Representative Joe Williams yelling "You Lie" to President Obama. Both reflect an utter disdain for the positions that others hold, and the behaviors they justify by their fame and/or perceived honor. It points to an individualism that continues to value "me" over any others and, worse yet, to publicize that narcissistic attitude to the world.

The media that has surrounded this behavior has been helpful in that it has called us to a deeper sense of the impact that these outbursts have on all of us.

Imagine how these instances could have gone very differently had more respectful language been delivered in a spirit of "working together". We are all human beings on this planet and, while we don't always agree with one another, we are called to care for one another and care for our world.

As parents, members of the workforce and community members, we can all use these recent situations to heighten our sensitivity regarding how we communicate with one another, share our opinions and beliefs, and work together to somehow "bring up" those around us. . . or, at least, to avoid bringing others down.

Taylor Swift, as an example, is an amazing young woman doing amazing things with the talents she has been given. She had a humble heart as she began her acceptance speech - that was momentarily stopped as the mean-spirited Kanye ripped the microphone from her hand. How can we use this example to come up with a more acceptable, respectful way to share our opinions and feelings?

We live in a nation that has "Freedom of Speech" as a cornerstone of its constitution. How can we use this cornerstone in the spirit of respect, growth, and ultimately, care for one another?

Questions to Ponder:
• Look at a time in your most recent memory when you could have used the gift of respectful communication with someone you've encountered. Or, perhaps you could have used an experience as a "teachable moment" for those in your family or organization.
• How can communication go differently if we change our perception, our language, our delivery and our respect for others?

Facing the Change

I am writing this post on 9-11. The significance of this day makes me look back each year, look back at how things have changed over the course of my own life and over the course of the past century. The large loss of life on that day in 2001 makes me question, what changes do we need to consider in the "temporary" time we call life?

In today's world of rapid change, are we all really ready to face the change we may need to make in our own lives? We are bombarded each moment by cell phone calls, email on the blackberry or iPhone (or our computers - but that is such old technology!) and now by other social applications such as Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter etc.. We adjust and redirect our lives on the fly based on the latest information we have received. But what about the time tested values of family, friends and a strong work ethic?

If we want to consider how to face the change, we just need to go back in history to a simpler time, when time itself was driven by the broader values of our society and our own values. Imagine living in the 1950s again when family dinner happened every night and the exception was when you had other obligations. I recall my own family life and think back on how different it was. Now, we treasure and plan our once weekly family dinner, with our other evenings filled with sports activities, outside interests, or just eating dinner out.

Let's consider taking on the values of a simpler time, when family life, work life, and individual life was centered, balanced, and consistent. What would our children be doing if we had this more balanced approach? What would they grow up to be? How would they be when they grow up? What changes do we need to face and ultimately make, to live into a more consistent, "alive" future?

Questions to Ponder: What change in your life do you need to make to ensure a more consistent life, aligned with you values, for yourself? For your family? In your workplace?

Pay it Forward

When Janet talked about “Unexpected Outcomes”, I couldn’t help but think about my daughter’s own “Pay it Forward” experience.

You probably remember the movie, “Pay it Forward”. Trevor, a 7th grader fulfilling a homework assignment, allows a homeless man to live in his garage. The man repairs his mother’s car, which inspires her to do a kindness for another who is equally inspired to help someone else … all without expecting anything in return.

This “Pay it Forward” concept, helping others without expecting something in return, trusting that the good we send out to the world by our selfless action will return to us in time, is simple enough. Yet, it has the potential to change the face of the world! Think about it . . . if each of us performed simple acts of kindness solely for the purpose of helping another, possibly a stranger, without expecting anything in return, what chain of good deeds could follow?

My daughter, Theresa’s, experience this summer is an excellent example. She worked in a retail store where her favorite assignment was the Customer Service desk. One day, a woman approached her counter and began by saying, “I probably got the person who checked me out all confused because I was buying gifts off of several registries.”

Theresa immediately assumed the woman was going to complain about some mistake one of her co-workers had made and tensed herself for the conversation. Not so – my daughter was in for quite a surprise!

The woman continued, saying, “You see, she didn’t charge me for one of the items. By the time I realized this, it was too late for me to come back because I had to get these gifts to my friends. Do you think I can go find the item and pay for it now?”

After recovering from her surprise, Theresa helped the woman and completed the transaction … with an air of awe!

Now comes the “Pay it Forward” part. When Theresa told me the story, she began by saying, “This is something you would do, Mom.” I was flattered, but had to be honest. She was right, I always make sure I pay properly … when I catch a checker’s error at the store; that is, when it is convenient for me. I don’t know that I would have gone out of my way as this woman did.

My candor created quite a conversation with my daughter and my niece, who was also part of the conversation. All three of us concluded that, thanks to the inspiration of this woman, we all will now do the same in the future.

Better yet, when Theresa told her story to friends the night we moved her into her new apartment, they all were similarly inspired. This woman, a stranger to all of us, has effectively influenced at least eight people through Theresa’s telling of her action. And now, we are all “Paying it Forward”!

Questions to Ponder: Have you ever been the recipient of selfless kindness from another? How did it make you feel? Were you inspired to do the same? When have you been the one to “pay it forward”? How did it make you feel?

Desirable Results & Unexpected Outcomes

Does thinking outside the box produce desirable or undesirable results? In thinking about Rosemarie's friend with the GUD job offer, it made me think that sometimes that "box", whether you are inside or out, almost always produces some result - it's just a matter of them being desirable or undesirable. For example, look at the success of thinking outside the box that Apple had with the iPod. The music device broke through the typical media of CDs (or cassette tape) and has become the most popular personal music device on the worldwide market and it's capacity and capability continues to grow. This was clearly a desirable result for Apple.

Then, there are examples of thinking outside the box producing undesirable results or unexpected outcomes. Burger King and their ad team did a strange commercial last year with the King hanging out with some scantily clad women. While they may have been trying to appeal to the "younger generation", their inappropriate ad caused boycotts and many families forced the ad to be removed from local channels. I'm sure they paid an undesirable price and achieved an undesirable result from that campaign.

But those are big companies, right? What about the results we want to achieve in our own lives? One of the best tools for thinking outside of the box about results is called "visioning". It's usually a meditative or facilitated exercise where you imagine a situation in the future. I like to look out to a 3-5 year window and imagine what things look like with a desirable result in place. Then, you work back and begin to write out the steps it would take to produce that result. In addition to the steps, adding details and colorful reality helps to make the result more tangible and real. The visioning exercise, and the associated work-back plans, typically produce a desirable result.

Of course just having a plan does not set it into action. One must begin to communicate it, request help, and in some cases, take bold steps to move it forward. Then, typically there are some unexpected positive outcomes along the way. You may find someone who is in an industry that you are trying to step into. Or, an opening for dialogue in an area that you are interested in. All manner of unexpected outcomes are possible when we begin to communicate the things that are most important to us. Look at the recent news where Jaycee Lee Dugard was finally located - this was an unexpected outcome from a routine missing person plan that was generated out of dialogue with the Berkeley police. I praise God that this young girl has been reunited with her family and can begin to establish her plan for herself and her family.

Questions to ponder: What are your plans for your future, 1 year from now, 3 years from now, or 5 years from now? What are you doing to move these forward to produce a desirable result? What unexpected outcomes have you experienced recently from dialogue and communication with others? What face would change as a result of your vision?